As we head into the Holy weekend, controversy swirls around one Wrightsville elected official.
Mayor Pro Tem Darryl Mills, 61, has been called to step down by bartender Mia Banks, 31, for odious words he spoke to her two weeks ago as she tended bar on the Wrightsville strip.
Mills, known by Banks for his sharp-edged tongue, crossed a line in his degrading remarks to Banks, one of many in an ongoing exchange — acknowledged by both parties — of back and forth, frequently obscenity-laced “joking” that spanned close to two years. Mills expresses regret and remorse for what he said to Ms. Banks. He said on the night in question, when he saw that words he spoke in what he felt was “jest” had hurt her, he apologized.
Banks, her own language peppered with the f-word, acknowledges that Mills did apologize, but said his apology was not accepted, saying, “I am not big on apologies, apologies don’t fix things for me.” And, “You can’t apologize for something like that. And I am not going to accept it.” Mills later sent a second apology by email, but Banks said, “He says I am sorry. Apology not accepted. … You can’t call me a mixed-breed [female dog] and then apologize.”
There is no excuse for what Mills said, and to his credit, he has not offered one. It was totally inappropriate, even in “jest.” Everyone, including Mills, agrees about that.
It may have been a three-minute conversation, but it had a long-term, pointed-barb history. By all accounts, Banks gave as good as she got in this verbal relationship with Mills — until this night — when she said, as Mills sat at the bar, she gave him a hug as she began her shift, a watered-down drink sitting in front of him.
“We joke with each other quite a bit, but the conversation was a little off from what it regularly would be, something not right,” she said. Banks said she declared a time out, saying, “We are not playing at all tonight because something is not good.” But she said he kept on, even interjecting in her conversation with others. “Something weird was going on, just weird,” she said.
Banks, who volunteered to me she is “half black and half white,” is labeling Mills a “racist.” She wants what Mills’ said to her to cost him his seat on the town board, saying, “I don’t care what’s going on with you, you don’t get to talk to me that way … and I want you to step down.”
Does Mills use of tasteless, hot-button words that obviously hit a raw nerve make him a racist? I don’t know. Did he take it too far? Definitely.
Remember the schoolyard rhyme, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me?” Countering that lie, scripture instructs us the tongue holds power of life and death.
But it also says love holds no account of a suffered wrong. (1 Corr. 13:5.) Two verses later: Love bears all things.
Let me insert here: Although I believe he is doing a good job in his elected position, I did not vote for Darryl Mills. His phone number is in my cell phone, but neither of us have hung out together or viewed the other as “friend.” Even though I like to hug and be hugged, we have not hugged, that I can recall. But I will vehemently defend Mills’ right under our Constitution to say a stupid, hurtful, totally inappropriate, degrading, loathsome remark, even if he didn’t apologize on the spot or exhibit remorse.
Not only do I strongly encourage forgiveness and turning the other cheek, I adamantly believe in the First Amendment of the Constitution to the United States: I hold dear our freedoms as Americans to speak, publish or assemble, regardless of how dreadful.
You cannot call to restrict the speech of one group or individual without jeopardizing everyone’s rights. Free speech rights are indivisible, as are the words recorded in the Bible. You can’t pick and choose which part you like and discard the remainder. It is all or nothing.
The First Amendment is a hallmark of an open society. This country has increasingly become a place where only politically correct approved speak is permissible, where careers are destroyed in a blink of an eye — that is worrisome.
Most people will tell you they believe in the right to free speech, but balk at it covering flag burning, hard-core rap, heavy metal music, use of certain words.
Under the First Amendment, individuals have the right to speech we don’t agree with, or that is offensive and hateful. It is the First Amendment that allows the KKK to hold marches and spew hate in their offensive attire. The right for them to spew their hate is guaranteed under our Constitution.
Why Ms. Banks would not accept an apology from someone whom she knew and had a friendly relationship with up until this particular night is a puzzle. Mills said he believed they were friends. She said, “… People confuse their relationship with a bartender as friendship. You think someone is your friend because they get paid to talk to you.” This bar, she said, is a friendly place, with Banks hugging, “everyone I know comin’ into the bar.”
Mills, who is single, pegged by our reporters as a flirt, apparently was something of a fixture in the watering hole, there for breakfast, dinner and often late night a great deal of the time. Banks said the bar has a “family” atmosphere. It is apparent, until something went terribly wrong, Mills felt a part of that family.
Many will sing, “Hallelujah, the Lamb has overcome!” this weekend as residents and visitors flock to the beach for one of several beach strand sunrise services to remember the ultimate sacrifice Jesus Christ made: He took on Himself the sins of the world, was crucified, buried and raised again on the third day, Resurrection Sunday.
Jesus was spit on, mocked, reviled, called every slur word imaginable, His miracles called of the devil, but did He go on the evening news and call for the Sanhedrin and Priests’ removal from their positions of power? Not even when they then beat Him beyond recognition and nailed him to a tree. Instead He said, “Father forgive them, they do not know what they do.”
If Mills came into our business and called one of my employees the same thing, we would have been shocked to the core and wanted him to leave as Mia Banks’ and her co-workers did that night at the Neptune.
But to call for his resignation? No. Vengeance has no place in our lives. The forgiveness modeled by our Savior does.
Hurt for Mills, pray for him, yes! Hurt for Banks, pray for her, yes!
We fail when we fail to love.
