When my daughter entered kindergarten, I wrote a letter filled with my hopes for her and my own conflicted feelings about letting go. School is the first big step a child takes toward independence, and little by little, a parent must relax that loving grip so the child may soar on her own.
Time doesn’t make it any easier.
It’s now 12 years later, and in a couple of weeks, the petite girl who used to “teach” a class populated with dolls and stuffed animals will begin her senior year in high school. In another year, she will be on her way to college and a life that is hers and hers alone to live.
Talk about a scary prospect for a parent. One day I’m tying sneakers and helping with math homework, and the next I’m watching in amazement a young lady who has taken control of her own education — which, on second thought, is good, since the math homework was over my head by the end of eighth grade.
But I still have a year to impart whatever wisdom I may have gained by virtue of having spent more years on the planet.
So, my child, here are my wishes for you and all the other teenagers as you all march toward graduation:
— That you follow your own path wherever it leads, rather than being led by others — including your dad and me. Friends and family can have a profound influence, and there is nothing wrong with that, as long as a gentle suggestion does not turn into a push in a direction not of your choosing.
— That you continue to challenge yourself. Too often the emphasis on grades is so strong (and I plead guilty on that from time to time) that we forget education is about learning and growing. The goal is to get much more out of a class than a grade for your transcript. Work hard, ask questions when you don’t understand and make sure to give what you know is your best effort. That advice applies to everything you will encounter in life, not only to your classes.
— Enjoy your senior year, make it memorable. School isn’t just about studies and homework and tests. (Just don’t neglect your schoolwork.) You have journeyed through high school accompanied by great friends and involved yourself in activities that build a sense of community. One day you will think fondly of these years, and part of you may wish you were back in high school.
— But always look ahead, and don’t fear the unfamiliar — that’s where the adventure is. There is nothing worse than living with the regret of passing up a new experience in favor of security. This year will prepare you to take that next step.
— College, and then life in general, opens so many avenues. You may find your true passions lie somewhere other than your current plans for your future. Be brave enough to take the road that calls to you, but grounded enough to recognize a dead end when you see it.
At this point, much of my advice is received with an eye roll or an exasperated sigh. Sure, it’s a teenage thing, but it is also a sign we parents have done our jobs, at least when it comes to nudging our children toward adulthood. It means we haven’t clung so tightly that we smothered your spirit.
My hope is you are confident enough to make many of your own decisions — so far they’re mostly good decisions — but also know that you can count on us to be there for you, regardless of the circumstances.
However, with a year of high school left, you can expect more unsolicited advice and some guidance along the way.
Parental privilege, you know.
